November 1, 2024

Acknowledgement and Acceptance

The blog goes live the first day of November as I promised myself. The excitement that I get to finally write and share intentionally again gave me so much fulfilment but I realized with so much anticipation and rush to finish the website itself, I had forgotten to pre-write and complete a few of my blog posts.

This mistake sent me off on a spiral and I know you can relate when I tell you that it roll balled into multiple issues that I then had to deal with. From images not loading, to modules not showing up like they should. I quickly went into panic mode and just about cancelled my whole blog and let that delay me into who knows how long, again.

It took a few meditations and journal entry notes to reassure myself that it actually doesn’t really matter if it’s not completely the way I wanted it to. Done is better than perfect. As long as the website was live and people could visit the site to see and read the pages that were working properly.

That’s pretty much how my November started and let’s just say it didn’t stop there.

I struggled to find the right words and only in hindsight did I realize that this very thing I have been experiencing is my pattern. I have these great ideas that arise and I get excited, therefore I take action BUT guess what’s the first thing that hinders me from seeing it through? That’s right, F E A R. Good ‘ol fear smeared with doubt and uncertainty. The all too real words that flooded my mind kept repeating; “You’re not good enough”, “You don’t know what you’re talking about”, “No one will care”, “No one understands that”, “You always give up, maybe this is another one of your failed attempts”, “You should’ve just…” “Maybe try something else”, “This is too hard”… I could go on and on…

I forget sometimes that just because I have a sense of self-awareness, that I would always see the truth. But I am human and that means at any given time I could forget my truth and instead believe what is suggestively unfolding in front of me. These could be anything external, and depending on how I feel in that moment do I become more swayed to believe what I see, what I hear or the emotion it has triggered inside of me…

The only way I could pull myself through was to surrender to whatever this feeling is and acknowledge that it might be telling me something deeper, perhaps to make me and my decision stronger and aligned with my path. That meant I had to let go and allow what needed to come up to the surface. I recognized that I had been hiding some integral parts of me while I walk my path. There were corners of my life and beliefs that no longer aligned with how people remembered me by or how I was. What I didn’t grasp and struggled to believe is that I do not have to explain myself. I do not have to share what happened, what changed, what and who I am now or whom I want to become.

I realized that this part of my beliefs and patterns are left over marks from trauma that I hadn’t come to face, to acknowledge and to accept. That my shadows are and will always be a part of me. I have to learn to become aware of all that pieces that make me Suzene. I can learn, I will continuously change, expand and grow through journeying within and being mindful of how I am living my life.

For all of November I had to explore how being intentional can help me live a better life and more sure of my self.

How was November for you?

For some it might’ve been just another month, a strange one at that, but for others they it could have felt more challenging with the highend pressure and stress of Christmas and this year coming to a close.

I hope this month and this year has brought you some fruits, new seeds or wisdom to help you gain clarity in whatever unfolds for you.

Sending love and gratitude,

ox.ox. Zen 💛